on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Send help, water and tortillas.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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