it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Randomize