There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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