so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize