Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
