So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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