the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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