id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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