It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
