you win again, gameday.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize