its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Randomize
