I'm eating all of the evidence.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
