hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
