I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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