oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
