I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Your cock deserves a montage
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
