I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
false alarm. still invincible.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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