I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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