Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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