So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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