I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize