I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
When are your genitals available?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
