there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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