you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
