he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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