Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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