wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
