i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
