Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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