oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize