I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
