fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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