Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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