I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Don't tell me you're on acid again
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
