Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
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