Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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