Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
