we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
