actually, I'm a sock model
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
