She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You ruined the universe
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
