right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Pooping to opera.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
