I hate your face
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
