I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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