Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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