Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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