At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
