This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
