hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
