dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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