i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
this hospital has no fireball
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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