You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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