STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
