i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
