told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
We are two peas in an std pod
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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