Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
