The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize