He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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