why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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