im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
