I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
