this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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