watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
