Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
