Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
