when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
