glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I cockslap morals
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
