it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
and she was petting her beer can
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
