I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
