i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
