i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
