Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
