This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
