i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
