I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Randomize
