Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
