You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
