sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Randomize
