Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
