16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
