I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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