Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize