Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
