Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize