is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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