turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
