I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
