you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize